They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
