I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
