conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
