Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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