I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
