she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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