I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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