why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
