Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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