I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
