I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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