Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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