Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
