She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
