well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
