Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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