is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
