I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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