fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
