Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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