Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
