My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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