My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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