The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
