Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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