so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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