It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
