At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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