kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
