Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
