My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
