I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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