the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
