i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
