You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
