I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
