college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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