I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize