Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
