K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
