i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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