that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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