i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
