You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
