how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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