I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
