foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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