Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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