All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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