Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
