Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
