oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
