omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
