Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Where is the hickey?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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