My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
