I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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