Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize