I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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