Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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