wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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