dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
