Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
