just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
