She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
