Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
