OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
