I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
