hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
